Disclaimer – I am most obviously not a preacher, and I am not a teacher. What I am is a Christian lady who has gone through some stuff. I am writing this with hopes of helping someone who has felt like they’ve lost it all, realize that God is still on your side.
In the past, I’ve felt like my life was literally over. As dramatic as it may sound, it didn’t seem dramatic to me. Anyone who has gone through the loss of a child, especially multiple times, will tell you that the feeling is like no other.
After the first loss, it took me some time to realize that it wasn’t necessarily God’s fault that it happened. I was finally getting back to my prayer life and reading my bible. Eventually, I came across the book of Job. I read the entire 40+ chapter book in just 3 days. Everything he was going through, every ounce of pain he felt, every complaint to God, I recognized and identified with.
You see, Job didn’t just lose his children though. He lost everything. He lost his business, he lost his farm animals, he lost his servants, he lost his health, and then, he lost his reputation.
One by one, the messengers came through and told Job that something terrible had happened. Each time it felt like the bad news was over, more bad news came. And that’s exactly how 2019 had felt for me. As soon as we thought things couldn’t be worse, they got worse. We got a lot of bad news this year. In February, our baby didn’t have a heartbeat. In July, my water broke prematurely. In October, our 3rd baby didn’t grow properly, likely due to a chromosomal issue. We never got to see or hear a heartbeat on that baby.
Business had a rocky start this year as well. Finances were hit hard when we were buying our house. We were so close to not being able to buy our house, but thankfully, God did come through.
Reading Job really humbled me. I’m not one to appreciate when someone compares my struggles to the struggles of another, but reading this did force me to take a step back and really look at how horrible things could’ve been for us. At the end of the day, I still have my husband and all of the other many things God has blessed us with.
There was one part in Job that really stuck with me. “Don’t talk like a fool! If we accept blessings from God, we must accept trouble as well.” This was in response to his wife telling him to curse God and die.
Job maintained his “integrity” as his wife called it. He never once fell out with or cursed God because he knew that God was still with him. Job teaches us that if we can accept the goodness of God and His blessings, then we must also accept that bad. Jesus suffered for all of our sins, why shouldn’t we also suffer?
What I sometimes have to remind myself is that none of this is God’s fault. The enemy is the one with the plan to kill, steal, and destroy. I remind myself that God grieves with me as I go through this. He is crying with and for me. He doesn’t want any of this to happen to us.
Instead of pulling away from God during this time, I use these situations to draw closer to Him. He is my strength, He is my shoulder to lean on.
My encouragement to anyone that is going through this is to remember that it is not over. I know what it looks like, and I know what it feels like. But it is not over. God has the final say and He will win this war for you. He will make a fool out of the enemy. Put your trust in Him and He will literally carry you through this.
I imagine being completely, physically crippled and being carried on a cot to my destination. God is carrying the cot. I am emotionally crippled, and God is carrying me to my victory.